The Importance of Mutual Respect

There are four of us horses living here at Hold Your Horses Farm. We share our space with a couple of dogs that often visit from a neighbor’s house; a small, grey cat; some assorted rodents who aren’t a bit afraid of that cat; and our two humans, Linda and Bernie. Other humans sometimes visit at one of the two white buildings where our humans spend their time, and they often come and visit us or stop at the fence and exchange a “hello.”

Other animals, like deer, raccoons, possum or an occasional fox pass through the farm from time to time, but we are not very disturbed by them. We know what to expect from them and they know what to expect from us. They are just passing through and they know this is our territory.

Horses live in a herd and have to learn how to get along with each other and the others with whom they share their space. We have to respect each other in order to get along.

We each communicate with each other and the other animals and humans through our body language. Shade flicks an ear to warn Goomba away from his food dish. I nip at Ginger to get her to move to another part of the pasture faster. Goomba lowers his head toward one of the dogs when he comes too close. Ginger moves away when people try to hug her and get too mushy.

Letting others know what you expect of them is important, and we communicate pretty clearly about our boundaries. And, because we are part of the herd, we respect each other’s boundaries as well. I think that sort of mutual respect is absolutely necessary.

Horses know how important boundaries and mutual respect are. I’m always surprised that humans don’t seem to know this as well. I’ve seen them allow Goomba to eat the buttons on their shirt. Sometimes they approach me too quickly and I let them know by running away that they have come too close without being invited.

I don’t always think people do a very good job of setting boundaries or respecting each other either. I think that if humans realized how important mutual respect is, they would practice it more. If they recognized that each animal or human has something important to offer and respect them for the part they play, there would be a lot more harmony in their herd.

Horses know that mutual respect is composed of setting and enforcing your boundaries–what is acceptable to you and unacceptable to you. Boundaries are like rules you set for others, so that you feel respected and comfortable. When somebody violates your boundaries–breaks your rules for conduct in the herd–the reaction needs to be clear and swift.

Horses do this without holding a grudge. We know we have to enforce our boundaries. We know this is part of mutual respect and we have to have that to survive. We do it clearly, swiftly and easily. We don’t take it personally like humans seem to do.

My advice to humans would be to pay more attention to respecting each other, both by appreciating and respecting what others have to offer, and by demanding that others respect you as well. When you do that, you are clear with your rules and expectations, but it isn’t personal. Everyone violates a boundary now and then, and there are consequences when you do. Setting and enforcing boundaries is part of respecting yourself. How can you have a place among the herd if you don’t? How will the others in your herd learn to respect you if you don’t demand it? Mutual respect is the key to a happy and successful herd.

Neighs & Whinnies,

Preacher

P.S. If you have trouble setting your boundaries or being respected in your herd, my human, Linda Pucci can help you. She’s really good at helping humans set boundaries and figure out what to do to get respect, and be respectful in return. Call her at 865-983-7544 or check out http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/ to contact her by email.

© 2009 Linda S. Pucci, Ph.D.

Having Time Alone Is Important

Horses are herd animals; that means we tend to feel most comfortable when we are with our herd. We group together for safety and security.

Much as I like hanging out with my herd, and spending time grazing with my buddies at Hold Your Horses Farm, there are times when a mare of a certain age likes to have her privacy.

Most mornings, while the boys are grazing in the pasture near the road, you’ll find me alone in the run-in shed. The sun streams in and I can stand there and doze without worrying that I’m standing too close to someone else, or that they will start something with each other and wake me up. Eventually they come back up the hill and wake me up, but by then, it is time to eat.

Sometimes in the afternoon, while the boys are dozing in the shade of the trees, you’ll find me 50 yards away, grazing on the sweet grass by myself. I like to move where I want, without worrying about being herded away from a particularly juicy morsel. I can be alone with my thoughts and my chewing, free to snort and sigh as I see fit. Having time alone is important. It allows me to focus on the things that are important to me without distraction.

I’ve noticed that humans are herd animals too; at least they seem to like to hang out with others. I think they don’t always take the time for themselves, though. Taking time to be alone, away from the herd would give them a chance to catch up on their thoughts. If they spent time more alone like I do, it would allow them to figure out what they want to do or where they want to go next, without someone else influencing their decision. When you are a herd animal, it is easy to get swept up in the movement of others. When you do that, you are sometimes ignoring what is right for you.

I find it is useful to have both time with the herd and time apart. Both are valuable. I wish that you humans would discover this by taking some time to be apart from your herd every now and then. When you do you can really get to know yourself and can focus on what is important to you.

Neighs and Whinnies,

Ginger

P.S. If you aren't comfortable outside of your herd, my human, Linda Pucci can help you. She helps people learn how to be come self-confident and to tune into their own intuition and judgment. For more information, go to http://www.innerresourceccenter.com/

No Flies on Me--Get Rid of YOUR Aggravations

The weather has gotten warm and sunny here at Hold Your Horses Farm, and along with it has come our yearly pests–the flies. Horses have a lot of different flies that like to hang around. Right now, the flies are small and don’t bite. The ones that really bother us are the ones that love to take a chunk out of us. That makes us jump!

Horses are very resourceful, so we have a lot of different ways to get flies off. Sometimes we brush up against the bark of the trees that grow in the middle of our pasture. Sometimes we roll in the cool mud and layer it on so that it protects our hide.

Usually to get away from the flies, we hang out in the shade during the hottest part of the day. It seems that the flies like it when we sweat, so staying cool is important. We have our tails to swish them away when they land, and can move our skin in sort of a shudder when we feel them light on us. Sometimes we are also able to bite at them, if they have landed where we can reach. We make it uncomfortable for them to bug us!

Sometimes we permit our humans to spray us, but I really don’t like that spray bottle. It makes a funny noise, and it smells funny. I usually run away, but the others tolerate it better than I do.

We’re used to the flies being part of our lives and we do what we can to deal with them. They are an annoyance that are part of life. I’ve noticed that humans often have things that annoy them the way flies annoy us. But unlike horses, humans don’t always do anything about it. It often seems like they just sit back and tolerate those things they don’t like.

That doesn’t seem like a very effective way to get rid of them. In fact, if those things you are tolerating were flies, not chasing them away would just invite more. I wonder if you humans invite more difficulties when you don’t take care of those things that “light on you?”

I’d like to suggest that when something happens that you don’t like, do something about it–tell someone, shake it off, get away from the aggravation, or take a stand. When you do, your “flies” will think twice about bothering you. Or at least you’ll have handled the situation. Your “flies” may not disappear permanently any more than ours do, but when you take action, they will move on.

If they don’t, just find a good rough tree, and scratch!

Neighs and whinnies,

Goomba


P.S. If you have a lot of things that irritate you, you might want to talk to my human, Linda Pucci about it. She helps people figure out how to deal with the things they have been tolerating. You can call her at 865-983-7544 or email her at Linda@InnerResourceCenter.com .

You’re also welcome to come to our farm and the horses will show you how to stand up to those things that aggravate you! We’re very good teachers!